I feel like I no longer have anyone I consider close with.

When you don't have many friends and you don't have a social life you're kind of left looking at things, not doing things. There's a weird freedom in not having people treat you like you're part of society or where you have to fulfill social relationships.

—

Tim Burton

I’m not like other girls, I don’t do lovey dovey or any of that kind of things. I’m sorry, this is me, all of me. I hope that’s okay.

My life is a mess, I'm a mess. I don't know why anyone would want to be a part of it. But I'm really glad that you're willing to stay. Happy Valentine's day, love. And in another fourteen minutes, happy 18th Monthsary. I love you. ♥

So much to say, but no words to convey.

Here’s the truth about the truth. It hurts, so we lie.

All this time, I've tried to say how I truly feel. I tried and tried, but in the end, I just keep it all inside. It's not that I want to because honestly, I constantly feel like I am on the verge of blowing up. All the stress, pressure, hurt and anxiety bubbling up, but I'm never able to let it out. So in the end, I just keep it inside. I've tried so many times to speak what's on my mind. All the words I've been meaning to say, all rehearsed and clear in my head, all go away whenever I get the chance to say it. I always end up sugarcoating the words, and they always mean the opposite of what I intended to say. When I get close to getting the words right, even if it was just a tiny bit what I initially meant, I'd feel awfully guilty about it, which results in me, crying and blaming myself for hurting someone else's feelings. Eventually, I got used to it. I just feel numb. I ignore it for as long as I can. I try to avoid personal questions as much as I can. I'd try my best to be there for the people I love, but I tend to find an exit whenever you ask for my opinions, because I don't like telling people what I really think when I know it will hurt their feelings.

I kept everything inside for so long and I snapped. I was angry at no one in particular, I was just hurt to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, because there's only so much that I can take. I'm tired. I'm sorry, but I'm really really tired.

Favourite things.

These are currently my two favourite things. I haven't used black nail polish in a while. I've been using so much bright and bold colours recently that I forgot how much I liked using black nail polish. I just took a break from my assignments to paint my nails. And now I'm feeling lazy, so I guess I'll just continue drawing again tomorrow.

Skinny jeans are the only type of jeans I wear, and Topshop's Leigh Super Soft Skinny is love! It is really really soft and comfortable. I now own a pair in red and I really want to get another pair in black, but if there are other pretty colours available, I won't hesitate to get them too. It is definitely worth every penny.